Types of Grief | The Masks of Loss
- Bridge Mongs
- 6 hours ago
- 4 min read
There is nothing more universally human than grief.
While all of us will encounter grief in one form or another over our lifetimes, grief can be broken down to further categories depending on its nature.
For example, grieving a sibling will be different from grieving a pet, just as grieving a marriage is different from grieving a parent with mental decline. Of course, each grieving individual will experience their grief uniquely, regardless of the category or (more likely) overlapping categories it falls into.
Grief cannot be measured, compared, or ranked – this is true for the type of loss, matter of loss, duration since loss, and so on. However, understanding the nuances of grieving that naturally follow differing circumstances of loss can be helpful in navigating the healing process. Science has shown that a mental understanding of trauma (which loss can be considered) and its healing approaches contributes positively to the overall impact.
Normal Grief
Normal grief, despite its cruelty and intensity, is a “healthy” and unavoidable facet of life. Losing a person, place, or concept that is important to us – especially when we cannot conceive of a resolution or reconciliation, made scarier by the unknown – always triggers the cascading pain of loss and powerlessness.
Normal grief includes a mourning period of various lengths, lack of energy and motivation, appetite and weight changes, excessive emotional responses, isolation, avoidance, and more. Many symptoms or behaviors typically seen as “negative” are permissible within acute grief phases.
Secondary Grief
Secondary grief often accompanies normal grief, mourning the loss of things associated with the primary loss. For example, a grieving wife is mourning not only her husband and father of her child, but her best friend, other-brain, assistance around the house, future grandfather of their grandchildren, future vacations together, and so on. The mind can create and grieve infinite losses.
Chronic Grief
While it is true that normal grief can and does last a lifetime (in its own way), chronic grief is the remaining presence of intense, deep grief often experienced in the acute period of loss. Much less common in the extremes, sufferers of chronic grief experience incredible distress that intensifies over time and continually inhibits life and the grieving process.
Exaggerated Grief
Exaggerated grief defines reactions that are more intense, prolonged, severe, or drastic than those in normal grief. This includes more blatantly disruptive behaviors that are concerning even when placed in the context of grief and loss, such as thoughts of self-harm, substance abuse, and failing to maintain physical health.
Traumatic Grief
Traumatic grief often accompanies traumatic loss (loss of a child, sudden and unexpected death of anyone, violent or ambiguous deaths). Traumatic grief adds symptoms and behaviors of trauma, plus the expectation to manage trauma, to the existing load of grief and loss.
Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief accompanies the knowledge that someone close to you will be lost in the future. This is experienced when losing a loved one to an illness over time, and many individuals will naturally experience this as loved ones age or encounter life-threatening experiences that illuminate the reality of death.
Anticipatory grief extends the mourning process, but many report feeling grateful for additional time spent with their loved one and the appreciation of their presence; of course, this varies for everyone and doesn’t have a “right” feeling.
Anticipatory grief can be especially intense when the original event was traumatic, leaving a period of anticipatory but imminent grief.
Complicated Grief
Complicated grief is mourning interrupted – that is, the process halts and is unable to complete the full grieving process. This can include intense emotions and exhaustion, as well as diminished capability to cope. This type of grief benefits greatly from the assistance of a medical professional, as it is essential to free the emotions and thought processes responsible for clogging the pipes.
Inhibited Grief
Inhibited grief is characterized by a prolonged lack of outward mourning, which stagnates healing. This eventually manifests physically or through intense emotional reactions. This is different from complicated grief, where the stages stop suddenly, opposed to the lack of beginning the process seen in inhibited grief. In both cases, mental health professionals are recommended for navigating the additional healing steps.
Delayed Grief
Delayed grief is the intense emotional expression of loss despite the passage of time after the acute loss and ‘acceptable’ mourning period. This occurs in individuals who frequently deny, repress, or dissociate from emotions. When the mind is ready to process or unable to hold back, the full emotional intensity of early grief returns as if it has just occurred. (This is NOT the same as experiencing moments of deeper mourning throughout life, as grief is a lifelong commitment.)
Cumulative Grief
Cumulative grief categorizes the compounding loss and pain from multiple losses in a short time. This is common in individuals who lose several family members from old age or in one catastrophe. The whole of grief becomes much larger than the sum of each of its parts.
Disenfranchised (Ambiguous) Grief
Disenfranchised or ambiguous grief occurs when the feelings of loss are not validated by society or people in your circle. When experiencing the loss of someone or something that is perceived to be minor, unimportant, or stigmatized, the experience of grief is not seen and validated by others; this contributes shame, doubt, and isolation to the grieving process.
This type of grief also occurs when mourning the loss of a person (as we know them) to circumstances other than death, such as a brain injury, substance abuse disorder, or severe mental health condition.
Masked Grief
Masked grief occurs when outward signs of mourning are not present (ever or any longer), but physical symptoms and behaviors manifest that are connected to grief and inhibit functioning. Often, the symptoms are not clearly linked to the original loss or grief, since the grief is not immediately obvious.
Collective Grief
Collective grief occurs on a social level when a tragedy affects an entire group, place, or community. This is common during natural disasters, war, or other large-scale tragedies. It is normal, though confusing and frustrating, to grieve on behalf of others that we identify with.
Regardless of how your grief is classified, it is valid and deserves to be seen. Understanding the complexities of a situation can be essential for moving forward, especially in a time when stability and direction are desired.
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